Carter really shouldn't be allowed to talk about roster moves

And...I take a guy to task for his nonsensical hot take about the Bears draft. Wait until you see who it is.

“Sammy, you’re not going to sing for us, are you?”

Our good friend Patrick Mooney had some telling quotes in The Athletic from Cubs “general manager” Carter Mayonnaise yesterday, and I think we should take a closer look at a couple of them.

Mooney asked Carter about the great starts at Iowa by Matt Mervis and Christopher Morel and how fans are clamoring for the Cubs to bring them up to fill two of several gaping holes on the big league team. After all, aren’t the farm teams supposed to supplement the big league team? I suppose it’s possible that the Cubs just really value winning an International League title over say, the National League?

Carter said the front office isn’t going to let the outcome of any one game dictate their plans (though nobody asked him do that) and as for fans demanding things on Twitter, he doesn’t have or use Twitter. There’s literally zero chance that’s true. The guy patterns his look and wardrobe after Tucker Carlson, he’s got and he uses Twitter.

Anyway, Carter explained what goes into the Cubs’ decisions with their roster.

“The guys that are up here have been playing well,” Hawkins said. “They’re winning baseball games. They’re in a good place. Does that mean we’re not constantly looking to improve? Of course we are. The guys down there are showing that they should help, so it’s just trying to figure out what’s the right time to make those moves, if we make those moves.

“It’s kind of a daily process just to think through where we are. Some of these things are real easy. Somebody pulls a hamstring, and next thing you know, a guy pops up. But once you make that decision to take a guy off the team, that’s irreversible.”

Oh no, it’s irreversible? You mean the Cubs might lose Eric Hosmer on waivers and then not have Eric Hosmer? That’s kind of the point. Besides, we’ve seen what happens when the Cubs DFA players. They clear waivers. Because they’re bad. I hate to break it to him, but there will not be a stampede to the waiver wire when Hosmer is inevitably released.

Now brace yourself for the furry of buzzwords and bullshit in this next answer. After all, Carter went to Vanderbilt, which is dumb peoples’ idea of a university where smart people go.

Mooney points out that there are obvious differences between Mervis and Morel. Morel is younger and plays more positions. He’s also still striking out a third of the time he bats. But when he doesn’t strike out, holy shit, his OPS is nearly 1.300 at Iowa. Mervis is a more advanced hitter, but is a first baseman and DH only.

Given that first base and DH are yawning chasms for the Cubs right now, I think Matt’s probably in a good spot.

Here’s Carter on all that goes into deciding when to call guys up.

I told you to brace yourself.

“It’s a multivariable conversation,”

Oh, fuck off. Talk like someone who actually knows what words mean.

“You’re taking into account the macro view of the major-league team and where there are opportunities to improve.

Yeah, we know. Your first basemen and designated hitters suck. You are playing a halfling at third base about half the time. The places where you can improve are pretty apparent.