The Bears have a schedule and I have the results

The little hype videos are fun, but wait until you see what the season has in store for our beloved Bears

Yesterday was yet another NFL invented event, the schedule release. Teams and fans have known who they will play for months, but not in what order. The only redeeming part of this manufactured “news” is that it’s become tradition for teams to make their own fun little videos to announce their specific schedule.

Last year, the Bears had their best one, when they parodied The Bear, they even won an Emmy for it.

Wait, what?

Huh. Alright, whatever.

This year’s effort was inspired by high school movies, with homages to Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, The Breakfast Club, Mean Girls, Risky Business and even a sly nod to Stranger Things, among others.

The star was DJ Moore, who is the Bears best player, and not much of an actor. But he’s cool and that’s all he really had to be to pull off a passable Ferris. He also deserves bonus points for buying the jacket himself after watching the movie to “prep” for his role.

Next year, the star will clearly be Caleb Williams. He and Rome Odunze get a little sting at the end when the rolling schedule pauses for them to get off the school bus so Caleb can say, “Freshman year, here we go.” He has more charisma in two steps off the bus than anybody in the video.

The best of these videos every year comes from the Chargers. And they didn’t disappoint, with their Sims theme this time.

Their willingness to be really mean is always appreciated. They even made fun of themselves this year for giving up 63 points to the Raiders (who they depict as clowns) last year. This one has a great Michael Penix-Kirk Cousins joke and they get bonus points for hurriedly adding a shot of Chiefs idiot kicker Harrison Butker either going Syliva Plath in his oven or just pulling out a pie, either way, we get it.

Or maybe they were going for Moe Syzlak doing Sylvia Plath? I’m not sure.

The Lions did a very smart thing and just let Tim Robinson and Sam Richardson cook.

And I hope the Titans never stop heading down to Broadway and getting bachelorettes (and other tourists) to guess the logos.

Anyway, the schedule release is not the important thing. It’s the schedule that’s important. I guess. It’s way too early to predict how the Bears will do, but let’s do it anyway!