The Cubs didn't sign Jose Abreu? What a shock.

Maybe Bruce Levine just liked talking up the one player left in the game older than him?

Much to the dismay of a certain, weird segment of Cubs’ fans,¹ free agent first baseman, and a guy who was lucky enough to have Fulgencio Batista speak at his high school graduation ceremony, Jose Abreu has signed a three year, $60 million deal with the Houston Astros.

This signing was a huge shock because many baseball insiders said that the Cubs had the inside track to sign Abreu and that he was a top priority for them.

No, wait. Not many baseball insiders. Just Bruce Levine. Over and over and over again.

Here’s Bruce, pictured with the best source he has left in the Cubs’ front office.